.....I got caught up in that beautiful moment and found myself saying, Yes! Yes, of course I’ll marry you! The wait staff was snapping our picture and everyone was smiling. Here we were on this beautiful island, I had the most gorgeous ring on my finger and this man who loved me. It was a happy evening. We called our families to share the news of our engagement. Then we got back home and reality sunk in. I loved Drew but I wasn’t sure I was in love with him. I began to panic. This panic led to an escape to Paris for a month long study abroad program with my best girlfriend Raven. She was getting married in 3 months and wanted a last hurrah while I needed time away to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Drew was completely supportive of this trip which only made it harder to realize the possibility of this not working out.
During my time away the main thing that brought me to the harsh realization that my love for Drew was more of a non romantic love was the fact that I didn’t miss him, not really. Not the way a girl should miss her fiancé being apart for a month. Also the fact that I had to stop myself numerous times from cheating with several cute boys who were closer to my age and very persistent. At the end of the month Drew was meeting me at a hotel he’d booked in Paris, and we were going on a Mediterranean cruise to celebrate his birthday. On the day he arrived and knocked on the hotel room door, I was sitting in a robe drinking champagne out of the bottle and crying. I acted like I’d been watching a sad movie so he wouldn’t know I’d been crying about our doomed relationship. What should have been an amazing cruise turned into a time of many arguments. I started picking fights and I felt badly for it yet couldn’t seem to stop myself.
When we got back home, a funny thing happened. As I was trying to figure out how I was going to break up with Drew, he turned the tables and broke up with me instead. For some reason I felt devastated. Here is what I thought I’d wanted yet when he said the words out loud it didn’t seem right. I tearfully tried to give back the ring, and he insisted I keep it and sell it. For some reason him breaking up with me sent me into panic mode and instead of accepting this as the right thing, I fought it and after many talks convinced him to give it one more shot. I decided I would become everything he seemed to want in a future wife. I would become the domestic housewife type if it killed me. I even tried to host a dinner for his best friends, and I made the only thing I knew how to cook. A chicken and cheese casserole which consisted mostly of canned soup and precooked chicken. Looking back that was pretty embarrassing. During this process I became insecure since I was trying to be something I wasn’t, and he became irritated and realized the things he loved about me he wouldn’t want to change after all, it’s just that we couldn’t seem to work together. The moment I snapped out of my Stepford wife phase was one afternoon when we were arguing right before we stepped into Drew’s brother’s birthday party. He snapped at me and yelled “you’re just so goddamned insecure!” Right then his brother opened the door and I had no choice but to blink back the tears that were forming and ignore the anger that was beginning to burn in the pit of my stomach. I said my hellos and faked good spirits, all the while hearing his comment ring in my ears. No man had ever called me insecure. I had never been that insecure girl who changed herself for a man. I was so angry that he would say that to me, and even more angry that he was sort of right. I had become someone I was not a fan of, however he was way out of line in his delivery.
As soon as we left the party I turned to him and told him that he was way out of line and I would never again be spoken to in that way. He looked surprised by my reaction and apologized. Then I told him that he was right when he’d tried to break things off, that this obviously wasn’t working. I told him I should never have tried to change myself. That night we broke up for good as amicably as any two people could have. I sadly sold my beautiful ring and used the money to move into a new apartment, and that’s where I began the next part of my journey in this crazy thing called life.
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Thursday, July 22, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Almost Husband
For a few months I worked as a cocktail waitress for a blues club which I’m not sure could be classified as “work.” We had quite a bit of lenience since our manager was more like a friend than a boss, and many nights instead of cleaning up at the end of the night we’d end up on the dance floor with a cocktail in hand. One night a private party for a law firm came in, and I half joked that I was going to bag myself a rich lawyer. I did end up chatting and flirting with one of the lawyers, who I found out later just happened to own and run that law firm. He definitely wasn’t the best looking man I’d ever seen. He appeared to have permanent dark circles under his eyes, a slightly crooked nose, and looked a bit like a cross between Billy Joel and one of the trolls from Lord of the Rings. On top of that he looked at least 15 years older than me, but there was a confidence about him I found very sexy. He told me his name was Drew and asked if he could take me out sometime. I figured what the hell and gave him my number.
He called me 2 days later and asked if I would join him to watch a UCLA basketball game and go to lunch. I agreed and we had our first date. He picked me up in his Porsche, and took me to a fancy restaurant where we got to know each other a little better. Drew told me about his past, how he'd joined the army to get his degree and lived off of student loans and top ramen while he went to law school. Instead of joining an already established law firm he took a risk and started his own personal injury practice which ended up being a huge success. I told him a bit about myself, and how one of my passions was to travel the world but at the time I hadn’t been able to travel much yet. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and asked if I would mind if he changed that. I smiled and thought to myself, nope, don’t mind at all!
He was a man of his word and by the time we’d been dating for a couple of months we’d already been on a cruise around Mexico as well as two island vacations. When I’d told him I was only 22 on our first date he thought I was joking and even chuckled until he realized from my silent stare that I was serious. He made a joke about how his friends, after meeting me, would now definitely know he was having a midlife crises. I thought he shouldn't worry about that, since I was pretty sure they’d already guessed by the tiny black Porsche he had parked outside. He had seemed concerned about the age difference at first, but then hadn’t mentioned it again until things started getting more serious. We started having argumentative conversations about marriage and kids. We had slightly different views on the topic. He had a plan of wanting to be married with children within the next couple of years. When I thought about being married with children that soon I had to stop myself from throwing up a little in my mouth. His plan sounded an awful lot like a prison sentence to me and I wasn’t sure why it would appeal to anyone. I just wasn’t ready to think about those things yet and eventually he told me he was going to have to date other people in order to find someone who was ready. I told him to go ahead if that’s what he wanted to do, and I didn’t think it would really bother me. I was having fun with him but didn’t think he was the one for me. That is until one night when I asked what he was up to, figuring he’d be around to hang out with me as usual, and he told me he had a date. I felt my heart sink, and I realized just how much it bothered me and how much I actually cared for this man.
A few days later I sat him down and pleaded my case to him about how I thought we should really give this a go, that I didn’t want him to see other people, and that it was illogical to try to find someone to plug into your pre-existing relationship plan. I told him it makes more sense to find someone you love and build a life plan together as you go along, to see if a relationship works first and then fill in the blanks. I felt pretty proud of my argument, especially when he agreed with all that I’d said and wanted to give it a another shot. From that point on we became pretty inseparable, and then one day Drew told me he was in love with me. I hadn’t realized I loved him too until I heard myself saying those 3 words back. I came to learn both the best and worst qualities about Drew. The best being his drive, generosity, and humor, as well as being down to earth despite his success. The worst being his need to control, his temper, and his attachment to smoking pot every night. Our age difference proved to be a bit of an issue at times as well. We didn’t always see eye to eye or want to do the same types of things, and I wasn't fond of the moments when people assumed Drew was my father.
My most vivid memory of this was the day he bought me a car. Right before the dealer closed the sale, Drew stepped away to take a work call and the dealer asked me if i lived in the area or was just visiting 'my dad' from college. I turned us away from Drew and whispered that if he wanted to sell this car it'd be best to keep any further comments of that nature to himself. I’d never dated someone so successful and wealthy before Drew, and I won’t say that him having an amazing 3 story mansion on the beach wasn’t incredible. And I’d be lying if I said that money never being an issue wasn’t a great perk, since it allowed for things like last minute tickets to the super bowl or jumping on a plane to Vegas for a VIP weekend. I never used him for his money like some women had in his past, and I think he respected that about me.
Several months later after much persistence from Drew I moved out of my tiny Hollywood apartment and into his beach house. When we were nearing our year anniversary a couple of things were happening. 1) I was beginning to wonder if I loved Drew more as a friend than romantically or sexually. 2) He was constantly bringing up the topic of getting engaged. I kept telling him I wasn’t ready for that, I thought it was still too soon. We were arguing more than we had in the past, and I started feeling the age gap more than ever. Our lives were just so different. I still liked to go out drinking with friends and was figuring out what I wanted to be when I grew up while he was already settled in his career and enjoyed smoking pot , eating twinkies, then falling asleep in front of the T.V. every night. Whenever he’d bring up getting engaged and I’d object to the idea, he would just brush off my protests and tell me I was only nervous because I worry too much. The more hesitant I became, the more pushy he got until one vacation day in Key West, we were off on a tiny island having an amazing 5 star dinner, and it was time for dessert. I remember the moment this way. The waiter brought out some sort of chocolate dessert and I remember thinking, I didn’t order this, that’s odd. The waiter then opened the chocolate dessert, which turns out was a heart shaped box made of chocolate, and I remember thinking, Is that rice? Why would they put white rice inside of chocolate? Turns out it wasn’t rice, it was rock salt and while examining the dessert I somehow didn’t notice the enormous diamond ring sitting in the middle of it. I looked around and wondered why everyone appeared to be staring at me, then noticed Drew to my left down on one knee. Oh my God. My heart started pounding as realization started to creep in, and the next thing I know Drew is saying something like: Parker, will you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife? It felt difficult to breathe and I couldn’t seem to think clearly. This was such a beautiful moment and I had no idea what the next word out of my mouth was going to be……
To be continued……..
He called me 2 days later and asked if I would join him to watch a UCLA basketball game and go to lunch. I agreed and we had our first date. He picked me up in his Porsche, and took me to a fancy restaurant where we got to know each other a little better. Drew told me about his past, how he'd joined the army to get his degree and lived off of student loans and top ramen while he went to law school. Instead of joining an already established law firm he took a risk and started his own personal injury practice which ended up being a huge success. I told him a bit about myself, and how one of my passions was to travel the world but at the time I hadn’t been able to travel much yet. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and asked if I would mind if he changed that. I smiled and thought to myself, nope, don’t mind at all!
He was a man of his word and by the time we’d been dating for a couple of months we’d already been on a cruise around Mexico as well as two island vacations. When I’d told him I was only 22 on our first date he thought I was joking and even chuckled until he realized from my silent stare that I was serious. He made a joke about how his friends, after meeting me, would now definitely know he was having a midlife crises. I thought he shouldn't worry about that, since I was pretty sure they’d already guessed by the tiny black Porsche he had parked outside. He had seemed concerned about the age difference at first, but then hadn’t mentioned it again until things started getting more serious. We started having argumentative conversations about marriage and kids. We had slightly different views on the topic. He had a plan of wanting to be married with children within the next couple of years. When I thought about being married with children that soon I had to stop myself from throwing up a little in my mouth. His plan sounded an awful lot like a prison sentence to me and I wasn’t sure why it would appeal to anyone. I just wasn’t ready to think about those things yet and eventually he told me he was going to have to date other people in order to find someone who was ready. I told him to go ahead if that’s what he wanted to do, and I didn’t think it would really bother me. I was having fun with him but didn’t think he was the one for me. That is until one night when I asked what he was up to, figuring he’d be around to hang out with me as usual, and he told me he had a date. I felt my heart sink, and I realized just how much it bothered me and how much I actually cared for this man.
A few days later I sat him down and pleaded my case to him about how I thought we should really give this a go, that I didn’t want him to see other people, and that it was illogical to try to find someone to plug into your pre-existing relationship plan. I told him it makes more sense to find someone you love and build a life plan together as you go along, to see if a relationship works first and then fill in the blanks. I felt pretty proud of my argument, especially when he agreed with all that I’d said and wanted to give it a another shot. From that point on we became pretty inseparable, and then one day Drew told me he was in love with me. I hadn’t realized I loved him too until I heard myself saying those 3 words back. I came to learn both the best and worst qualities about Drew. The best being his drive, generosity, and humor, as well as being down to earth despite his success. The worst being his need to control, his temper, and his attachment to smoking pot every night. Our age difference proved to be a bit of an issue at times as well. We didn’t always see eye to eye or want to do the same types of things, and I wasn't fond of the moments when people assumed Drew was my father.
My most vivid memory of this was the day he bought me a car. Right before the dealer closed the sale, Drew stepped away to take a work call and the dealer asked me if i lived in the area or was just visiting 'my dad' from college. I turned us away from Drew and whispered that if he wanted to sell this car it'd be best to keep any further comments of that nature to himself. I’d never dated someone so successful and wealthy before Drew, and I won’t say that him having an amazing 3 story mansion on the beach wasn’t incredible. And I’d be lying if I said that money never being an issue wasn’t a great perk, since it allowed for things like last minute tickets to the super bowl or jumping on a plane to Vegas for a VIP weekend. I never used him for his money like some women had in his past, and I think he respected that about me.
Several months later after much persistence from Drew I moved out of my tiny Hollywood apartment and into his beach house. When we were nearing our year anniversary a couple of things were happening. 1) I was beginning to wonder if I loved Drew more as a friend than romantically or sexually. 2) He was constantly bringing up the topic of getting engaged. I kept telling him I wasn’t ready for that, I thought it was still too soon. We were arguing more than we had in the past, and I started feeling the age gap more than ever. Our lives were just so different. I still liked to go out drinking with friends and was figuring out what I wanted to be when I grew up while he was already settled in his career and enjoyed smoking pot , eating twinkies, then falling asleep in front of the T.V. every night. Whenever he’d bring up getting engaged and I’d object to the idea, he would just brush off my protests and tell me I was only nervous because I worry too much. The more hesitant I became, the more pushy he got until one vacation day in Key West, we were off on a tiny island having an amazing 5 star dinner, and it was time for dessert. I remember the moment this way. The waiter brought out some sort of chocolate dessert and I remember thinking, I didn’t order this, that’s odd. The waiter then opened the chocolate dessert, which turns out was a heart shaped box made of chocolate, and I remember thinking, Is that rice? Why would they put white rice inside of chocolate? Turns out it wasn’t rice, it was rock salt and while examining the dessert I somehow didn’t notice the enormous diamond ring sitting in the middle of it. I looked around and wondered why everyone appeared to be staring at me, then noticed Drew to my left down on one knee. Oh my God. My heart started pounding as realization started to creep in, and the next thing I know Drew is saying something like: Parker, will you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife? It felt difficult to breathe and I couldn’t seem to think clearly. This was such a beautiful moment and I had no idea what the next word out of my mouth was going to be……
To be continued……..
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Sh*tter Guy
I adopted a motto a while back, and the motto is this: ‘Drink til….” The blank can be filled in with basically anything. Examples for me have been: drink til he’s cute, drink til he’s not annoying, drink til his jokes are funny. I was using this motto and trying to ‘drink til’ the boring party I was at became fun. I was at the party one night with some friends, waiting for them to feel ready to leave since we all drove together, and so far the vodka wasn’t really helping. There was a poker game that a few guys were playing and since I grew up playing poker with my brothers I figured why not join in. I played a few hands and did fairly well except there was one guy who kept beating us all. Turns out he happened to be a professional poker player which I thought was entirely unfair and I told him as much. He seemed amused by me and came up to me after the game. He introduced himself properly and told me his name was James and he apologized for beating me at Poker. He said he’d like to make it up to me and use the money he’d won to take me out to dinner the following evening. James seemed very confident, and he had pretty blue eyes with a decent looking face. He walked with sort of an odd waddle and needed to lose about 20 pounds, but he did seem like a nice guy so I agreed to dinner.
We began seeing each other fairly often after that, and he was a total gentleman, taking me out on great dates. He also wasn’t being too pushy about getting down my pants right away which I appreciated. I wasn’t falling for him by any means, I was more indifferent than anything. I think I only kept going out with him because it was so convenient and nothing was apparently wrong or negative. That is until the night I decided that I’d made him wait long enough for sex. I figured he’d been a total gentleman, and it was time to either sleep with him or break it off. I wasn’t quite ready for the latter yet, plus it had been quite a while since I’d had sex. I also figured since he seemed so into me that he’d definitely be a pleaser in bed as well. Oh how very wrong I was. That night after we got back to his place he poured some wine and we talked a bit before he started kissing me on his couch. Then he asked if I wanted to move this to the bedroom, so I nodded and we went to his bed. I waited for the foreplay to begin but the next thing I knew he was putting on a condom and we were having sex. What went through my mind was, is this guy for real? Has he been with a girl before? You don’t just jump that quickly to the sex and if you do it better be damn good. Just when I was about finished thinking these irritating thoughts, he was about finished having sex. He seemed satisfied and content while I was completely unsatisfied and pissed off. The worst part is as much as I wanted to leave and go home right then, I’d been drinking so I was forced to spend the night. He tried to cuddle with me while I rolled away from him as far as possible and tried to sleep. He had an early flight to catch the next morning, and I awoke with him trying to rub up against my leg like a dog. I ignored these sad attempts at sex and pretended I was still asleep. I even threw in a couple of light snores to make it seem extra believable. When I realized he clearly wasn’t giving up I asked him what time it was and pointed out that he’d better get in the shower before he missed his flight. He agreed, thank God, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I heard the shower running for a while and figured I’d better grab my clothes and get dressed so he didn’t try anything else when he came out. I reached over the end of the bed and was looking for my shirt when I glanced to my left and noticed he had the bathroom door about halfway open. Then I noticed something else, his feet. Oh….my….God. He wasn’t showering this whole time, he was taking a shit! And with the door halfway open, did this man have any shame?! I threw on my clothes as fast as possible and was about to open the door to leave when he called my name. He was standing behind me with a towel on looking confused. I told him I’d just remembered I was meeting a friend for breakfast and I was late, but to have a great trip. He told me he’d talk to me when he got back, and I thought to myself, actually you won’t, but you’ll find that out soon enough. He tried to kiss me goodbye and I awkwardly turned my head and yelled bye while running out the door. He tried calling a few times when he got back from his trip and eventually gave up after I didn’t respond. That was the end of dating for mere convenience for me, and as for waiting around until the problems presented themselves, I had decided it was time to either shit or get off the pot…pun intended.
We began seeing each other fairly often after that, and he was a total gentleman, taking me out on great dates. He also wasn’t being too pushy about getting down my pants right away which I appreciated. I wasn’t falling for him by any means, I was more indifferent than anything. I think I only kept going out with him because it was so convenient and nothing was apparently wrong or negative. That is until the night I decided that I’d made him wait long enough for sex. I figured he’d been a total gentleman, and it was time to either sleep with him or break it off. I wasn’t quite ready for the latter yet, plus it had been quite a while since I’d had sex. I also figured since he seemed so into me that he’d definitely be a pleaser in bed as well. Oh how very wrong I was. That night after we got back to his place he poured some wine and we talked a bit before he started kissing me on his couch. Then he asked if I wanted to move this to the bedroom, so I nodded and we went to his bed. I waited for the foreplay to begin but the next thing I knew he was putting on a condom and we were having sex. What went through my mind was, is this guy for real? Has he been with a girl before? You don’t just jump that quickly to the sex and if you do it better be damn good. Just when I was about finished thinking these irritating thoughts, he was about finished having sex. He seemed satisfied and content while I was completely unsatisfied and pissed off. The worst part is as much as I wanted to leave and go home right then, I’d been drinking so I was forced to spend the night. He tried to cuddle with me while I rolled away from him as far as possible and tried to sleep. He had an early flight to catch the next morning, and I awoke with him trying to rub up against my leg like a dog. I ignored these sad attempts at sex and pretended I was still asleep. I even threw in a couple of light snores to make it seem extra believable. When I realized he clearly wasn’t giving up I asked him what time it was and pointed out that he’d better get in the shower before he missed his flight. He agreed, thank God, and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I heard the shower running for a while and figured I’d better grab my clothes and get dressed so he didn’t try anything else when he came out. I reached over the end of the bed and was looking for my shirt when I glanced to my left and noticed he had the bathroom door about halfway open. Then I noticed something else, his feet. Oh….my….God. He wasn’t showering this whole time, he was taking a shit! And with the door halfway open, did this man have any shame?! I threw on my clothes as fast as possible and was about to open the door to leave when he called my name. He was standing behind me with a towel on looking confused. I told him I’d just remembered I was meeting a friend for breakfast and I was late, but to have a great trip. He told me he’d talk to me when he got back, and I thought to myself, actually you won’t, but you’ll find that out soon enough. He tried to kiss me goodbye and I awkwardly turned my head and yelled bye while running out the door. He tried calling a few times when he got back from his trip and eventually gave up after I didn’t respond. That was the end of dating for mere convenience for me, and as for waiting around until the problems presented themselves, I had decided it was time to either shit or get off the pot…pun intended.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Sketchy Guy
At one of the restaurants I worked at, I became pretty close with one of my fellow waitresses. Her name was Sally but she preferred to be called Sal. Sal was an aspiring stand up comic and we used to spend more of our work shifts laughing hysterically then tending to customers. At one point I joined her sketch comedy troupe. One of her roommates and best friends was also in the troupe. His name was Garlic. At first I thought this was just a silly stage name he used for the sake of comedy, but then I found out it was his actual given name. Apparently his parents were blues singers who were trying to be hip and different or something when they chose that name. My theory is that he was probably an accident and naming him Garlic was their way of getting back at him. Aside from the ridiculous name, Garlic had a lot going for him. He was a very attractive man with an amazing sense of humor, so of course I developed a huge crush on him. I found out through Sal he had a crush on me as well. It felt a little like junior high for the first couple of weeks since we mostly communicated our feelings about each other through Sal. He was a little shy with girls. He finally got the up the nerve to ask me out and we went out for dinner and drinks one night after a show. Then after a couple more dates I ended up spending the night and turns out Garlic wasn’t so shy in bedroom which was fantastic news. Pretty soon I was spending the night at he and Sal’s apartment more than I stayed at my own. Usually in the mornings Sal would make me coffee and we’d have our girl time. It was very convenient and fun. Until the night that doomed my relationship with Garlic.
We had a sketch during one of the shows that was about baby angels, and it required most of the cast to dress up in diapers. After that show, I went home with Garlic and Sal per the usual. When we were alone in his bedroom I heard a strange sound I couldn’t place at first. Kind of a rustling noise. I realized it was coming from Garlic’s pants. I asked if he was still wearing the diaper under his pants thinking that he must have been in a huge hurry to not have taken off the costume. He said that he did still have it on and had a strange look on his face. I got the feeling there was something he wasn’t sharing so with enough pushing he finally agreed to tell me what it was. He apparently had a sexual fetish that involved being diapered. Wow. I had always told him that if he had anything he wanted to try sexually not to be afraid to tell me , that I was really open and game for pretty much anything. Oh how I was regretting those words. I probably should have left then, but instead I tried to pretend like that wasn’t an insanely strange request. I actually began to go through with this diapering act. Baby powder and all, I started diapering Garlic. He seemed to be really enjoying it and getting turned on and then I all of a sudden didn’t feel so well. Or at least that’s what I said to stop the diapering. I went and sat in the restroom for long enough to make it seem like I might be sick. I came out and he looked concerned which made me feel slightly guilty for faking an illness, until I remembered the way his face looked while being diapered. I told him I just wanted to get home and rest in my own bed.
After that night I started to blow him off until I think he got the hint that I was no longer interested. I also eventually quit the comedy troupe which had become fairly awkward. Sal was bummed that it hadn’t worked out between Garlic and I. I never told her the truth of what had happened. I just told her we were really different people. I think the moral is that honesty is the best policy, unless your truth includes things like you get sexually excited while someone is shaking baby powder on your privates and sticking a pamper on your ass. In that case it might be in your best interest to lie.
We had a sketch during one of the shows that was about baby angels, and it required most of the cast to dress up in diapers. After that show, I went home with Garlic and Sal per the usual. When we were alone in his bedroom I heard a strange sound I couldn’t place at first. Kind of a rustling noise. I realized it was coming from Garlic’s pants. I asked if he was still wearing the diaper under his pants thinking that he must have been in a huge hurry to not have taken off the costume. He said that he did still have it on and had a strange look on his face. I got the feeling there was something he wasn’t sharing so with enough pushing he finally agreed to tell me what it was. He apparently had a sexual fetish that involved being diapered. Wow. I had always told him that if he had anything he wanted to try sexually not to be afraid to tell me , that I was really open and game for pretty much anything. Oh how I was regretting those words. I probably should have left then, but instead I tried to pretend like that wasn’t an insanely strange request. I actually began to go through with this diapering act. Baby powder and all, I started diapering Garlic. He seemed to be really enjoying it and getting turned on and then I all of a sudden didn’t feel so well. Or at least that’s what I said to stop the diapering. I went and sat in the restroom for long enough to make it seem like I might be sick. I came out and he looked concerned which made me feel slightly guilty for faking an illness, until I remembered the way his face looked while being diapered. I told him I just wanted to get home and rest in my own bed.
After that night I started to blow him off until I think he got the hint that I was no longer interested. I also eventually quit the comedy troupe which had become fairly awkward. Sal was bummed that it hadn’t worked out between Garlic and I. I never told her the truth of what had happened. I just told her we were really different people. I think the moral is that honesty is the best policy, unless your truth includes things like you get sexually excited while someone is shaking baby powder on your privates and sticking a pamper on your ass. In that case it might be in your best interest to lie.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The Ziplock Billionaire
I’ve always liked meeting people organically. Knowing right away whether or not there was any spark between you. I was terrified of being set up so I usually never allowed it to happen. Until one day my best friend Gavin told me he had the perfect guy for me. He proceeded to tell me all about his friend Damon, who according to him was incredibly hot. He said Damon was tall and gorgeous with wavy black hair and blue eyes. Apparently Damon also happened to be a billionaire. A hot billionaire did sound pretty tempting. I asked more questions about Damon and learned he was a billionaire because his family had invented Ziploc. I got a little nervous when Gavin kept saying things like Damon is a little bit out there, but he’s a great guy. Or that Damon is definitely a bit eccentric, but I think he just needs the right woman who understands him. I decided what the hell, I’d go out with him once and see how it went.
Damon called and we set up our date for the following Friday evening. I decided that I needed a new outfit, one suitable for a date with a billionaire, so Gavin and I went shopping. I couldn’t really afford the new dress, black patent leather heels, or overpriced clutch purse I bought but I figured it was like an investment. Gavin agreed and we proceeded to discuss all the things we would get to do when I was married to the billionaire.
Friday came around and Damon called to ask if I could meet him around 1:00 pm since he had plans later on. He figured we could meet for lunch. I was very close to saying, "sure thing, we can meet for lunch, and if you could just reimburse me for the outfit I spent way to much on for the evening date we had planned that’d be super." I instead took a deep breath and told him I’d thought we were planning to meet up in the evening, and I was busy until then. He told me he would see if he could rearrange his plans. He called back a few minutes later and said he’d rescheduled and we were on for the evening. We planned to meet at a trendy bar for some cocktails and then play it by ear after that.
When I saw Damon, I was slightly disappointed. Gavin had exaggerated a bit on how drop-dead gorgeous he was, and with my heels on we were about the same height which I don’t usually consider “tall." He was cute enough though and seemed pretty friendly so far. We ordered martinis and got to know each other. It seemed to be going well. After drinks he asked if I wanted to go to his house and hang out. That we’d drive together and he’d bring me back later for my car. I figured it was safe enough to go with him. He was friends with Gavin so he most likely wasn’t a rapist or murderer, plus I was extremely curious to see where he lived.
When we got to his house, after being greeted by his 3 large and very enthusiastic dogs, he gave me a tour of the place. It was obvious to me that he had just recently moved in what with the extremely expensive paintings stacked in a corner together instead of on the wall, and the only furniture appeared to be his large expensive bed and a couch. Also there were a ton of boxes in the living room which were open but full, and the backyard, although it had an amazing view of the city, was in desperate need of a gardener. He showed me the area in the backyard where he had the garden of marijuana plants he apparently was growing. I asked him how many weeks he'd lived here and during the long silent pause which followed my question I’m certain I heard crickets. He then shared that he had lived here for 6 years. I tried to smile and nod as if I thought it was completely normal for a billionaire who could hire any help he needed to live like a completely disorganized slob. He then lit a joint which I could see was obviously something he was passionate about. We talked for a couple hours and then he kissed me which was surprisingly not bad. It was getting pretty late and we’d both been drinking so we started to fall asleep. He suggested I stay and he would drive me back in the morning to get my car. I hesitated but he assured me he would be on his best behavior so I agreed and stayed. Apparently I wasn’t the only one welcome in his bed as he called all 3 of his huge dogs to jump up there and snuggle in with us for the evening. Super comfy for me and just the romantic evening I’d imagined.
In the morning when I woke up to one of the dogs licking my face instead of breakfast in bed I was ready for this date to be over. I told Damon I needed to get going and he drove me back to my car. I had parked it in a parking structure so he stopped at the front of it and let me out, saying he’d call me soon. As I started walking into the lot I realized two things. First thing being that I had no idea where I’d parked my car in this four level lot, and also that the sign said any car parked here for more then 8 hours would have to pay a $40 flat rate fee. Wonderful. How thoughtful of Damon to not drive me in to make sure I got to my car o.k. and also not to think about what it might have cost me to park here overnight.
Over the next couple of days Damon called a few times and left the most perplexing messages. One of them simply said “Hey it’s me, takin the dogs out” and then click. That was the whole message. I didn’t know which was more bizarre, that after one date he thought it was acceptable to say ‘this is me’ or the fact that all he wanted me to know was he was taking the dogs out. When we spoke again he asked if he could take me to a yoga class the next day. I had never been to a yoga class and he seemed really eager for me to go so I agreed. Since I thought he was “taking me” I was a little surprised when he gave me the time to meet him and the address of the studio. He told me to wait in the front for him and said he had a yoga mat I could borrow so I assumed he’d definitely be paying for me to get in as well. Well the class started at 11 and he said to meet him at 10:40. I was there waiting by 10:35. Figured he would be there any second by 10:40. Started getting a little worried by 10:45 and really annoyed by 10:50. And by 10:55 I had been talked into purchasing my very own yoga mat as well as a 2 week unlimited yoga pass to this studio by the people who had been looking at me with pity for the last 20 minutes thinking I’d definitely been stood up. He comes running in at about 10:59 and seemed surprised that I had already paid for myself and bought a mat. He apologized and I mumbled something about it being fine which I was clearly lying about. I tried to find a Zen mood during yoga that made me not want to strangle the billionaire I could no longer afford to date because it was costing me too much. After class he gave me an awkward hug and drove off in his car. No offering to maybe get lunch or even a kiss goodbye. I figured he perhaps wasn’t interested anymore which was fine with me at this point. But sure enough later that afternoon I got another message with the much needed update that he was “takin the dogs out.” I decided that if he made a huge effort to wine and dine me or at least stop appearing crazy and self centered I might give him one more chance.
He called often and usually just wanted me to come hang out at his house or go to yoga and I always made excuses for why I was busy. I figured since we had a mutual friend I didn’t want to be rude and I’d just blow him off slowly. One night we were talking and somehow being set up on dates came up. I was expressing that I wasn’t a fan of it and he told me that normally he would agree but then we would never have met, and how with us it had worked out really well. Was this guy for real? I was beginning to think he was clearly delusional. I didn’t even know how to respond to him so I made up an excuse to get off the phone.
One night he actually suggested we go meet up with his friends at a really expensive fancy restaurant I’d always wanted to try. I agreed to go because I felt like I deserved a nice date for even humoring this strange man. I said I would meet him at his place and we’d drive together. When I got to his house dressed up and ready to be taken out, he answered the door with a robe on and a joint in his hand and asked if I minded just staying in instead, he wasn’t really up for going out tonight. I was so irritated at this point that exactly what I said is a bit of a blur. I believe it was something along the lines of “yes I do mind. I’m going out tonight but you by all means stay here with your garden of weed and your yoga mats. You may also want to consider actually moving into your house one of these days. Oh, and I don’t care if you’re “taking the dogs out”, refrain from calling me to let me know. Actually refrain from calling me period.” I slammed the door on my way out and felt pretty empowered by what had just happened. Then I got home and realized I had dog shit on one of my favorite heels and that feeling went away pretty quickly. I now had a ruined suede shoe to replace. I could not believe how much dating this billionaire had cost me. Needless to say Damon the billionaire and I didn’t speak again, Gavin apologized for setting me up with a crazy, and I refuse to buy Ziploc bags to this day.
Damon called and we set up our date for the following Friday evening. I decided that I needed a new outfit, one suitable for a date with a billionaire, so Gavin and I went shopping. I couldn’t really afford the new dress, black patent leather heels, or overpriced clutch purse I bought but I figured it was like an investment. Gavin agreed and we proceeded to discuss all the things we would get to do when I was married to the billionaire.
Friday came around and Damon called to ask if I could meet him around 1:00 pm since he had plans later on. He figured we could meet for lunch. I was very close to saying, "sure thing, we can meet for lunch, and if you could just reimburse me for the outfit I spent way to much on for the evening date we had planned that’d be super." I instead took a deep breath and told him I’d thought we were planning to meet up in the evening, and I was busy until then. He told me he would see if he could rearrange his plans. He called back a few minutes later and said he’d rescheduled and we were on for the evening. We planned to meet at a trendy bar for some cocktails and then play it by ear after that.
When I saw Damon, I was slightly disappointed. Gavin had exaggerated a bit on how drop-dead gorgeous he was, and with my heels on we were about the same height which I don’t usually consider “tall." He was cute enough though and seemed pretty friendly so far. We ordered martinis and got to know each other. It seemed to be going well. After drinks he asked if I wanted to go to his house and hang out. That we’d drive together and he’d bring me back later for my car. I figured it was safe enough to go with him. He was friends with Gavin so he most likely wasn’t a rapist or murderer, plus I was extremely curious to see where he lived.
When we got to his house, after being greeted by his 3 large and very enthusiastic dogs, he gave me a tour of the place. It was obvious to me that he had just recently moved in what with the extremely expensive paintings stacked in a corner together instead of on the wall, and the only furniture appeared to be his large expensive bed and a couch. Also there were a ton of boxes in the living room which were open but full, and the backyard, although it had an amazing view of the city, was in desperate need of a gardener. He showed me the area in the backyard where he had the garden of marijuana plants he apparently was growing. I asked him how many weeks he'd lived here and during the long silent pause which followed my question I’m certain I heard crickets. He then shared that he had lived here for 6 years. I tried to smile and nod as if I thought it was completely normal for a billionaire who could hire any help he needed to live like a completely disorganized slob. He then lit a joint which I could see was obviously something he was passionate about. We talked for a couple hours and then he kissed me which was surprisingly not bad. It was getting pretty late and we’d both been drinking so we started to fall asleep. He suggested I stay and he would drive me back in the morning to get my car. I hesitated but he assured me he would be on his best behavior so I agreed and stayed. Apparently I wasn’t the only one welcome in his bed as he called all 3 of his huge dogs to jump up there and snuggle in with us for the evening. Super comfy for me and just the romantic evening I’d imagined.
In the morning when I woke up to one of the dogs licking my face instead of breakfast in bed I was ready for this date to be over. I told Damon I needed to get going and he drove me back to my car. I had parked it in a parking structure so he stopped at the front of it and let me out, saying he’d call me soon. As I started walking into the lot I realized two things. First thing being that I had no idea where I’d parked my car in this four level lot, and also that the sign said any car parked here for more then 8 hours would have to pay a $40 flat rate fee. Wonderful. How thoughtful of Damon to not drive me in to make sure I got to my car o.k. and also not to think about what it might have cost me to park here overnight.
Over the next couple of days Damon called a few times and left the most perplexing messages. One of them simply said “Hey it’s me, takin the dogs out” and then click. That was the whole message. I didn’t know which was more bizarre, that after one date he thought it was acceptable to say ‘this is me’ or the fact that all he wanted me to know was he was taking the dogs out. When we spoke again he asked if he could take me to a yoga class the next day. I had never been to a yoga class and he seemed really eager for me to go so I agreed. Since I thought he was “taking me” I was a little surprised when he gave me the time to meet him and the address of the studio. He told me to wait in the front for him and said he had a yoga mat I could borrow so I assumed he’d definitely be paying for me to get in as well. Well the class started at 11 and he said to meet him at 10:40. I was there waiting by 10:35. Figured he would be there any second by 10:40. Started getting a little worried by 10:45 and really annoyed by 10:50. And by 10:55 I had been talked into purchasing my very own yoga mat as well as a 2 week unlimited yoga pass to this studio by the people who had been looking at me with pity for the last 20 minutes thinking I’d definitely been stood up. He comes running in at about 10:59 and seemed surprised that I had already paid for myself and bought a mat. He apologized and I mumbled something about it being fine which I was clearly lying about. I tried to find a Zen mood during yoga that made me not want to strangle the billionaire I could no longer afford to date because it was costing me too much. After class he gave me an awkward hug and drove off in his car. No offering to maybe get lunch or even a kiss goodbye. I figured he perhaps wasn’t interested anymore which was fine with me at this point. But sure enough later that afternoon I got another message with the much needed update that he was “takin the dogs out.” I decided that if he made a huge effort to wine and dine me or at least stop appearing crazy and self centered I might give him one more chance.
He called often and usually just wanted me to come hang out at his house or go to yoga and I always made excuses for why I was busy. I figured since we had a mutual friend I didn’t want to be rude and I’d just blow him off slowly. One night we were talking and somehow being set up on dates came up. I was expressing that I wasn’t a fan of it and he told me that normally he would agree but then we would never have met, and how with us it had worked out really well. Was this guy for real? I was beginning to think he was clearly delusional. I didn’t even know how to respond to him so I made up an excuse to get off the phone.
One night he actually suggested we go meet up with his friends at a really expensive fancy restaurant I’d always wanted to try. I agreed to go because I felt like I deserved a nice date for even humoring this strange man. I said I would meet him at his place and we’d drive together. When I got to his house dressed up and ready to be taken out, he answered the door with a robe on and a joint in his hand and asked if I minded just staying in instead, he wasn’t really up for going out tonight. I was so irritated at this point that exactly what I said is a bit of a blur. I believe it was something along the lines of “yes I do mind. I’m going out tonight but you by all means stay here with your garden of weed and your yoga mats. You may also want to consider actually moving into your house one of these days. Oh, and I don’t care if you’re “taking the dogs out”, refrain from calling me to let me know. Actually refrain from calling me period.” I slammed the door on my way out and felt pretty empowered by what had just happened. Then I got home and realized I had dog shit on one of my favorite heels and that feeling went away pretty quickly. I now had a ruined suede shoe to replace. I could not believe how much dating this billionaire had cost me. Needless to say Damon the billionaire and I didn’t speak again, Gavin apologized for setting me up with a crazy, and I refuse to buy Ziploc bags to this day.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Fishy Guy
There are always those random in between guys. One of those types I encountered was named James. I met James one night at a local dive bar. They had karaoke in the bar that night and my friend and I had just finished our rendition of Bon Jovi, Livin on a Prayer when James approached us. He complimented our song which was my first clue as to how drunk he was. Though I could tell he was pretty tipsy, he was also handsome and sexy, so we chatted for a while. We played pool, we discussed our lives a bit. He managed a night club and he was also an actor. The night came to an end and we exchanged phone numbers.
The next day James called and told me that while he remembered absolutely NOTHING from the previous night, he figured I must be a pretty cool girl for being able to deal with his drunken self. Wow. How flattering. We made a date to go out. We met for drinks and hit it off. We continued to go out fairly regularly after that.
One night, we were sitting in his bedroom having a long discussion about his father who had passed away when James was young. I was trying very hard to focus on this topic and not the fact that his bedroom was the messiest room I’d ever seen (which is saying a lot since I grew up with 7 boys.) During this conversation I found out James was a very spiritual guy. We discussed spirituality and reincarnation, two things we both believed in. Then the conversation took an interesting turn. We discovered that I was born just a few weeks after his father had died. Since we had such a great connection, and due to the coincidental timing, he thought I might just be his father reincarnated. He looked at me strangely when he shared this new-found possibility and belief. Almost as if he was looking deep into my eyes and trying to see if his father was indeed there behind them. This creeped me out on so many levels. The main reason being we had just slept together, and ewww…how disturbing to think you may have just had sex with your father.
Well over the next couple of weeks, I noticed James became more distant. This may have been because he was contemplating whether or not he wanted to date his dad, or maybe he just wasn’t that into me, who knows. Apparently though he felt close enough to me to ask if I’d baby-sit his fish while he went out of town for a few days. As I was carrying his fish tank into my house, I wondered…why? I mean, really.….why? My roommate voiced this question out loud when she asked why in the hell a fish tank was in our apartment, and I couldn’t think of a good response. I’m feeding them to help out a guy I’m not entirely sure I’m dating and who may very well believe we’re related didn’t quite sound like a good answer. On the day I knew he’d be coming home, to avoid having to see James, I left his fish tank in front of his apartment door with a note that said something along the lines of : ‘James, the fish were fed this morning. Had a great time with you but no need to call me anymore. Hope your trip went well. P.S. Clean your room or no T.V. for a week. Love, Dad.
The next day James called and told me that while he remembered absolutely NOTHING from the previous night, he figured I must be a pretty cool girl for being able to deal with his drunken self. Wow. How flattering. We made a date to go out. We met for drinks and hit it off. We continued to go out fairly regularly after that.
One night, we were sitting in his bedroom having a long discussion about his father who had passed away when James was young. I was trying very hard to focus on this topic and not the fact that his bedroom was the messiest room I’d ever seen (which is saying a lot since I grew up with 7 boys.) During this conversation I found out James was a very spiritual guy. We discussed spirituality and reincarnation, two things we both believed in. Then the conversation took an interesting turn. We discovered that I was born just a few weeks after his father had died. Since we had such a great connection, and due to the coincidental timing, he thought I might just be his father reincarnated. He looked at me strangely when he shared this new-found possibility and belief. Almost as if he was looking deep into my eyes and trying to see if his father was indeed there behind them. This creeped me out on so many levels. The main reason being we had just slept together, and ewww…how disturbing to think you may have just had sex with your father.
Well over the next couple of weeks, I noticed James became more distant. This may have been because he was contemplating whether or not he wanted to date his dad, or maybe he just wasn’t that into me, who knows. Apparently though he felt close enough to me to ask if I’d baby-sit his fish while he went out of town for a few days. As I was carrying his fish tank into my house, I wondered…why? I mean, really.….why? My roommate voiced this question out loud when she asked why in the hell a fish tank was in our apartment, and I couldn’t think of a good response. I’m feeding them to help out a guy I’m not entirely sure I’m dating and who may very well believe we’re related didn’t quite sound like a good answer. On the day I knew he’d be coming home, to avoid having to see James, I left his fish tank in front of his apartment door with a note that said something along the lines of : ‘James, the fish were fed this morning. Had a great time with you but no need to call me anymore. Hope your trip went well. P.S. Clean your room or no T.V. for a week. Love, Dad.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
One Eyed Will
The day I met Will, I was on the set of a movie. He worked on movie sets as a production assistant. I was 19 at the time, still living at home in Orange County, and sometimes my friends and I would go up to L.A. to work on movie sets as extras. Some of the extras who did this for a living would call themselves background artists. The production staff would call them feeding props. We were basically treated like scenery, but it was fun for us to be a part of the filming regardless.
When I first saw Will, I thought he was pretty cute. It was during a lunch break that he struck up a conversation with me. We chatted for a little while and I noticed that he had two different colored eyes. One appeared to be green and the other blue. I commented on them and he told me they were two different colors because they are actually two different eyes. Only one was the eye he was actually born with. Ummmmm..??? He went on to explain that when he was a kid, his brother had chased him around the house one day with an ice pick while they were playing. Will’s brother ran into him and the ice pick accidentally got shoved into Will’s eye. When taken to the emergency room he found out he’d lose that eye. There was a girl in the hospital that had just died and happened to be an eye donor. Will became the new owner of that eye, which moved around as if nothing was wrong, yet he would never be able to see out of it. It would just be for cosmetic purposes.
Will asked me to go out with him and some friends to a local pub that night and I agreed. It still amazes me that I was able to drink in so many bars back then without getting kicked out for being underage. We had a lot of fun that night drinking cheap pitchers of beer, talking, laughing and getting to know each other better. We started seeing each other fairly often after that. I was always the one making the effort to drive to him since I still lived with my mother and he only lived with roommates. The parking was always horrendous being that he lived in a college town. Being a gentleman wasn’t one of Will’s greatest attributes, which I first noticed on the long walks to and from my car that he never offered to accompany me on. He did have other qualities I admired though. Will was very driven and passionate about film. He was only a production assistant, but aspired to be a director of his own films. He even had a masters degree from film school. Sex with Will was pretty amazing which was probably his most redeeming quality.
Over the next couple of months, I wanted things to progress to a deeper level with Will. That didn’t really happen. In fact, the more he would be aloof and hard to get, the more I tried to show him that I was the perfect girl for him that he shouldn’t let get away. I would just take whatever time he would give to me, and made all of the effort with not much in return. On one occasion, I remember I was wearing my adorable, very high black platform shoes. While we were walking my platform shoe suddenly went one direction while my foot went the other and it caused me to trip and fall on my face. Not embarrassing at all in front of the guy you’d most like to impress. He asked if I was o.k. I said I was fine, trying to laugh it off, and continued walking. Then about a minute later, the same exact thing happened with the shoe and down I went….again. This time it was a little more painful and my foot was throbbing. I stood up, embarrassed, said I was fine and we walked into his apartment. I sat down to examine my foot which was getting progressively more painful by the second. I took off my shoes and compared my feet. The injured foot definitely looked swollen to me. I asked him if he thought the hurt foot looked bigger than the other one. He took a quick look at them and said he thought they looked the same. I continued to stare at the huge swollen foot, comparing it to the obviously smaller uninjured foot and asked if he was sure that it didn’t look any bigger. He said no. I contemplated telling him that maybe he couldn’t see the injury very well since he only had one working eye, but decided that would be in poor taste. I asked him to take me to the emergency room where I got examined and x-rayed, with the end result being that I had broken my foot.
They put me in a cast and we drove back to Will’s apartment. When we got inside he asked if I wanted to smoke some pot. This isn’t something I normally did, but between the pain in my foot and wishing I was anywhere other than with Will in this vulnerable state, I said sure, why not. We smoked quite a bit and I began to feel a little better about the situation at hand. Then he suggested going to see a movie. I agreed and we drove over to the theater. After we parked I started to grab my crutches from the backseat and he stopped me. You may find the next sentence unbelievable, but I promise it actually happened. “Why don’t you just leave the crutches in the car.” He said. “You can hop.“ It’s amazing how much further away everything seems when you have to hop on one foot to get there. When we were finally in the home stretch and walking/hopping down the hallway to our theater, he had the nerve to turn to me and say, “Hurry up, we’re going to miss the movie. It’s already started.” I just stared at him in disbelief for a moment before telling him through gritted teeth to go on ahead, I’d catch up to him in a minute.
After the movie was over, we went back to his place and ended up getting into a huge fight. I can’t remember exactly what it was about, I just remember at one point him saying, “You know, you are NOT my girlfriend!” This fact I was becoming more and more aware of, but the way he spit those words at me stung regardless. I would have loved to storm out, jump in my car and drive home right then. Unfortunately, since my driving foot was crippled, that couldn’t happen. I hadn’t exactly figured out how I was going to get home yet, and being that it was too late at night to call anyone at this point, I was stuck here for the night so we just went to bed. We slept as far away from each other as was possible on his crappy twin bed, which for me wasn’t far enough. In the early morning my best friend called. She asked if I needed to be picked up and I told her YES PLEASE! Within an hour I was in the car heading home with her. I didn’t talk to Will for quite some time after that, and I wish I could say we never spoke again. I have a tendency when time passes to forget the bad qualities in men, and remember mostly the good times.
After a month or so I called Will. We caught up on the latest in each others lives. I told him my cast had finally come off, and we decided to meet. We started dating again and during this round of our relationship we actually became “boyfriend and girlfriend.” Something else happened as well during this time period. I discovered that Will was a cocaine addict. How I had no clue about this the entire time I’d known him is beyond me. I suppose it was because I’d never known a cocaine addict, or anyone who’d even tried cocaine for that matter, so I had no idea what the symptoms were. Also because he had never done it in front of me. I only found out through a conversation with his roommates. Things made a lot more sense to me after I found this out. This was a common drug in his work place, so he didn’t see it as big deal. I did however see it as a big deal and he knew how much I wanted him to stop. One night to prove a point, I asked him to let me try it so I could see why it was so important to him. He thought I was kidding since I swore I’d never try a drug like that, but when he realized I wasn’t he let me. I proceeded to do way more than I should have not realizing how much cocaine people normally did and ended the night with Will laying next to me, telling me to just breathe and calm down, that my heart was beating WAY too fast. Luckily I was fine, but that night didn’t change his drug habits one bit. He remained a cocaine addict while I continued to ignore how much it bothered me. Then Will got the job which would change everything.
It was working on a film in Australia. He would be gone for 3 months. While he was gone he called often, and we made plans for me to come and visit. I’d always wanted to go to Australia and he said if I just bought the plane ticket everything else would be taken care of once I got there. So the ticket was bought, date to visit set, but something started to happen. Being away from Will I started to see things clearly for the first time. I started to notice what a completely rude and selfish prick he really was. He was having his paychecks sent to me because of a problem with his bank, and since I had his money he was also telling me to mail certain bills for him, as well as take care of a few other things. He was treating me like an unpaid assistant. Instead of being appreciative of all that I was doing for him, he one day yelled at me for not sending something out on time. I lost it. My patience had run out. I don’t think he’d ever seen this side of me. I’m not sure I had either. I told him where he could put his checks, I expressed how unappreciated I felt, and I said that I didn’t care if I lost all of the money I’d spent on my Australia plane ticket, but I wasn’t coming to visit him. It was over. I did end up losing the money on that ticket but gained back so much of my self respect that I didn’t care.
I saw Will once more after that. This time it was accidental. He came into the bar where I was cocktail waitressing at the time. He looked terrible and I wondered what I’d ever seen in him. He tried to talk to me and I blew him off. He cornered me at one point and wanted to know why I wouldn’t talk to him. He told me he had stopped doing cocaine and that he and his family called that time in his life the black period. He told me that he didn’t really remember most of what happened during that time, including apparently how he’d treated me. I told him that I owed him nothing, and that while he may not remember anything during “the black period”, I unfortunately remembered it all perfectly. I then turned and walked away from One Eyed Will for the last and final time.
When I first saw Will, I thought he was pretty cute. It was during a lunch break that he struck up a conversation with me. We chatted for a little while and I noticed that he had two different colored eyes. One appeared to be green and the other blue. I commented on them and he told me they were two different colors because they are actually two different eyes. Only one was the eye he was actually born with. Ummmmm..??? He went on to explain that when he was a kid, his brother had chased him around the house one day with an ice pick while they were playing. Will’s brother ran into him and the ice pick accidentally got shoved into Will’s eye. When taken to the emergency room he found out he’d lose that eye. There was a girl in the hospital that had just died and happened to be an eye donor. Will became the new owner of that eye, which moved around as if nothing was wrong, yet he would never be able to see out of it. It would just be for cosmetic purposes.
Will asked me to go out with him and some friends to a local pub that night and I agreed. It still amazes me that I was able to drink in so many bars back then without getting kicked out for being underage. We had a lot of fun that night drinking cheap pitchers of beer, talking, laughing and getting to know each other better. We started seeing each other fairly often after that. I was always the one making the effort to drive to him since I still lived with my mother and he only lived with roommates. The parking was always horrendous being that he lived in a college town. Being a gentleman wasn’t one of Will’s greatest attributes, which I first noticed on the long walks to and from my car that he never offered to accompany me on. He did have other qualities I admired though. Will was very driven and passionate about film. He was only a production assistant, but aspired to be a director of his own films. He even had a masters degree from film school. Sex with Will was pretty amazing which was probably his most redeeming quality.
Over the next couple of months, I wanted things to progress to a deeper level with Will. That didn’t really happen. In fact, the more he would be aloof and hard to get, the more I tried to show him that I was the perfect girl for him that he shouldn’t let get away. I would just take whatever time he would give to me, and made all of the effort with not much in return. On one occasion, I remember I was wearing my adorable, very high black platform shoes. While we were walking my platform shoe suddenly went one direction while my foot went the other and it caused me to trip and fall on my face. Not embarrassing at all in front of the guy you’d most like to impress. He asked if I was o.k. I said I was fine, trying to laugh it off, and continued walking. Then about a minute later, the same exact thing happened with the shoe and down I went….again. This time it was a little more painful and my foot was throbbing. I stood up, embarrassed, said I was fine and we walked into his apartment. I sat down to examine my foot which was getting progressively more painful by the second. I took off my shoes and compared my feet. The injured foot definitely looked swollen to me. I asked him if he thought the hurt foot looked bigger than the other one. He took a quick look at them and said he thought they looked the same. I continued to stare at the huge swollen foot, comparing it to the obviously smaller uninjured foot and asked if he was sure that it didn’t look any bigger. He said no. I contemplated telling him that maybe he couldn’t see the injury very well since he only had one working eye, but decided that would be in poor taste. I asked him to take me to the emergency room where I got examined and x-rayed, with the end result being that I had broken my foot.
They put me in a cast and we drove back to Will’s apartment. When we got inside he asked if I wanted to smoke some pot. This isn’t something I normally did, but between the pain in my foot and wishing I was anywhere other than with Will in this vulnerable state, I said sure, why not. We smoked quite a bit and I began to feel a little better about the situation at hand. Then he suggested going to see a movie. I agreed and we drove over to the theater. After we parked I started to grab my crutches from the backseat and he stopped me. You may find the next sentence unbelievable, but I promise it actually happened. “Why don’t you just leave the crutches in the car.” He said. “You can hop.“ It’s amazing how much further away everything seems when you have to hop on one foot to get there. When we were finally in the home stretch and walking/hopping down the hallway to our theater, he had the nerve to turn to me and say, “Hurry up, we’re going to miss the movie. It’s already started.” I just stared at him in disbelief for a moment before telling him through gritted teeth to go on ahead, I’d catch up to him in a minute.
After the movie was over, we went back to his place and ended up getting into a huge fight. I can’t remember exactly what it was about, I just remember at one point him saying, “You know, you are NOT my girlfriend!” This fact I was becoming more and more aware of, but the way he spit those words at me stung regardless. I would have loved to storm out, jump in my car and drive home right then. Unfortunately, since my driving foot was crippled, that couldn’t happen. I hadn’t exactly figured out how I was going to get home yet, and being that it was too late at night to call anyone at this point, I was stuck here for the night so we just went to bed. We slept as far away from each other as was possible on his crappy twin bed, which for me wasn’t far enough. In the early morning my best friend called. She asked if I needed to be picked up and I told her YES PLEASE! Within an hour I was in the car heading home with her. I didn’t talk to Will for quite some time after that, and I wish I could say we never spoke again. I have a tendency when time passes to forget the bad qualities in men, and remember mostly the good times.
After a month or so I called Will. We caught up on the latest in each others lives. I told him my cast had finally come off, and we decided to meet. We started dating again and during this round of our relationship we actually became “boyfriend and girlfriend.” Something else happened as well during this time period. I discovered that Will was a cocaine addict. How I had no clue about this the entire time I’d known him is beyond me. I suppose it was because I’d never known a cocaine addict, or anyone who’d even tried cocaine for that matter, so I had no idea what the symptoms were. Also because he had never done it in front of me. I only found out through a conversation with his roommates. Things made a lot more sense to me after I found this out. This was a common drug in his work place, so he didn’t see it as big deal. I did however see it as a big deal and he knew how much I wanted him to stop. One night to prove a point, I asked him to let me try it so I could see why it was so important to him. He thought I was kidding since I swore I’d never try a drug like that, but when he realized I wasn’t he let me. I proceeded to do way more than I should have not realizing how much cocaine people normally did and ended the night with Will laying next to me, telling me to just breathe and calm down, that my heart was beating WAY too fast. Luckily I was fine, but that night didn’t change his drug habits one bit. He remained a cocaine addict while I continued to ignore how much it bothered me. Then Will got the job which would change everything.
It was working on a film in Australia. He would be gone for 3 months. While he was gone he called often, and we made plans for me to come and visit. I’d always wanted to go to Australia and he said if I just bought the plane ticket everything else would be taken care of once I got there. So the ticket was bought, date to visit set, but something started to happen. Being away from Will I started to see things clearly for the first time. I started to notice what a completely rude and selfish prick he really was. He was having his paychecks sent to me because of a problem with his bank, and since I had his money he was also telling me to mail certain bills for him, as well as take care of a few other things. He was treating me like an unpaid assistant. Instead of being appreciative of all that I was doing for him, he one day yelled at me for not sending something out on time. I lost it. My patience had run out. I don’t think he’d ever seen this side of me. I’m not sure I had either. I told him where he could put his checks, I expressed how unappreciated I felt, and I said that I didn’t care if I lost all of the money I’d spent on my Australia plane ticket, but I wasn’t coming to visit him. It was over. I did end up losing the money on that ticket but gained back so much of my self respect that I didn’t care.
I saw Will once more after that. This time it was accidental. He came into the bar where I was cocktail waitressing at the time. He looked terrible and I wondered what I’d ever seen in him. He tried to talk to me and I blew him off. He cornered me at one point and wanted to know why I wouldn’t talk to him. He told me he had stopped doing cocaine and that he and his family called that time in his life the black period. He told me that he didn’t really remember most of what happened during that time, including apparently how he’d treated me. I told him that I owed him nothing, and that while he may not remember anything during “the black period”, I unfortunately remembered it all perfectly. I then turned and walked away from One Eyed Will for the last and final time.
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