This was a big one for me. My first real love. I was 16 when I met Darren. My best friend at the time invited me to her work party which was being hosted at a local bar. She and I for some reason could usually get into most bars even though we were under 21. Halfway through the evening I stepped outside for some fresh air, and Darren was sitting outside on the steps. He started up a conversation, made a couple of jokes. I thought he was very cute and funny. He had amazing big blue eyes, the kind that make you melt. He asked me how old I was, and because I felt strange admitting I was under 21 and in a bar, I stretched the truth a bit. I told him I was 19. He was 23 at the time. That night, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him again, so I didn’t see much harm in the lie.
I wasn’t too surprised when he called, and of course agreed to go out with him. I was, however, surprised when we continued going out and started to fall in love. To make matters worse, my birthday was fast approaching and I didn’t quite know how to tell him that instead of turning 20, I would actually be turning 17. I couldn’t seem to find the right time to bring it up so I just kept procrastinating. I thought there was no way he’d want to be with me if he knew the truth.
During this time of hiding my age came some close calls and some very awkward incidents. There was the time he took me to an 18 and over club since I was “19” and I could definitely get in there. I didn’t know how to get out of it so I got dressed and ready, we drove all the way there, and when we got to door of the club the bouncer carded us. I frantically searched my purse for my ID. I acted shocked when I just couldn’t seem to find it. I said I must have either left it at home or lost it, and told Darren how sorry I was. He seemed disappointed, but not suspicious. Phew, safe for now.
Then there was the time we were at the grocery store, and the checker happened to be a classmate at my high school. He kept bringing up things that had to do with people at school or other things that would give me away, while I desperately tried to change the subject and shot him looks of warning when Darren wasn’t looking. After these and other incidents Darren apparently got suspicious. One day while I ran inside to grab my coat, he pulled out my wallet and checked my license. He didn’t tell me yet that he knew the truth, and instead waited a while in hopes I’d come clean. Well I didn’t, and I’ll never forget the moment he told me he knew.
We were on the phone and he started saying things like, “I wasn’t going to bring this up,“ and “I was hoping you’d say it first,” and things of that nature. I thought, oh my God, he’s about to tell me he loves me for the first time. Wrong. “I know how old you are Parker, and I don’t care I just wish you would have told me” he said. I just remember being shocked that he still wanted to be with me after that.
From then on we had 2 amazing years together. We traveled, I practically lived at his place, he knew my family. There were a few bumps in the road of course. Darren was older and wanted me to be more settled down. I was 17 and a free spirit. We fought a bit here and there. Then came the moment no girl ever wants to experience. The moment you realize you’re not even 18 and you’re pregnant. The moment where I thought, oh my God, I’m doomed to repeat my mother’s mistakes and my life is now over. I wasn’t sure if Darren would run when he heard the news, but he didn’t. He was really there for me through all of it. He said he would support me no matter what I chose. After a major internal battle, I chose not to have the baby. My 9 years of Catholic school made me fear the decision to have an abortion, and I wrestled with the guilt. I wondered for years if I’d made the right choice. It connected Darren and I in a deeper way after going through that. I think part of us would always be a little sad about the child that we could have had together.
After graduating from high school, I knew I wanted to move to L.A and get out of suburbia. I had dreams and aspirations. I had yet to explore life. Darren and I as a couple didn’t really fit into that plan. I needed to be free. I broke up with him, and told him that I needed this time, yet I still loved him so much. It was very sad and emotional for us both. After about a month or so, I got a temp job in an office, just for one day. Because this is the way my luck works, it coincidentally happened to be where Darren was employed. He worked out on construction sites and not in the office, but he called to check in there a few times daily. Hearing his voice made me miss him, and after that day I started to call him again. I would call just to chat or see how he was doing. One of the times that I called him, the way he answered the phone sounded like he was expecting someone. Someone other than me. I asked him if he had been expecting a call, and he said no. He called me back later and said he’d lied. He was expecting someone when I’d called. He was seeing someone, and they were engaged. Cue the jaw dropping. What?!? He was ENGAGED?! Already?!? I was too stunned to say anything other than ,”um, I have to go.” I hung up the phone and started bawling. I ended up going to his house the next day with the excuse that he had a few things of mine, and proceeded to tell him how much I missed him and how heartbroken I was that he was engaged to someone other than me. I left and the following day he called me, and said he needed me to meet him, we had to talk.
I met him and he proceeded to tell me that he’d been talking to his best friend about the situation. That he wasn’t sure what to do because he still loved me. Apparently his friend had said, “dude, I think you should marry Parker. You always said she was your angel.” While he was telling me all of this I realized that as much as I loved him, I still didn’t know what I wanted, and I still wanted to move to L.A and experience life on my own. I realized I wasn’t ready for this and he was. I then made a decision to let him go. I told him this, and said that it sounded like his fiancé really loved and needed him and it wasn’t time for me to settle down yet. I told him I wanted him to be happy because I loved him. He nodded, and with a look of slight sadness, yet understanding, he kissed me. One last time. I told him it was probably best he didn’t share that bit of information with his fiancé. He agreed, then he turned and walked out of my life, and I was left to wonder what was in store for me next.
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