The Flight Attendant (Part 2)

If I wanted the job I had to move to New York, and in time hope that a slot opened up in the California base. I decided, what the hell, and accepted the offer. I put my belongings into storage and left Arizona. I wasn’t sure where I was going to reside yet, but since they were putting us up in hotels during training, I had a month to figure it out.

I spent a little time in California with my family and friends before I headed off to training, and I also spent time with Ben. We had been talking almost every day. He definitely had more of a romantic interest in me than I did with him but he seemed o.k. with just being friends. I expressed to him that I’d semi-recently gotten out of a far too dramatic relationship so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I only wanted a friendship, nothing more. He told me he understood completely and said he was totally o.k. with that. Then we slept together…so there went that plan.

It happened one night while we were hanging out at Ben’s apartment drinking way too many cocktails, (which is always a bad idea by the way, ) and somehow we ended up in his bed naked. Aside from the fact I’d just broken my “we can only be friends” rule, there was now a new problem. There was a bit of a size issue. I’d always been a believer in “size doesn’t matter”…..that is until I slept with Ben. Without getting too graphic I’ll just say this: if you are unaware that you’re having sex until a few minutes into the act, that is a huge problem. I tried my best to pretend I didn’t notice, but I’m not very good at hiding my expressions, so there is a fair chance he knew exactly what I thought. I did continue to date him despite this setback. I had become attached to our friendship so I overlooked his tiny problem for the moment.

We didn’t see each other very often for the next month when I went off to training, but he became my flight attendant mentor, so we talked on the phone constantly and he answered every question I could come up with. He was exactly what I needed at that time, which was a friend I could trust and count on to be there for me. Looking back it was probably selfish on my part, since I knew he was falling for me, and I also knew that I didn’t feel exactly the same way. I still constantly told him that we were just friends, that I didn’t want a boyfriend, and he still pretended to be o.k. with that. I’m pretty sure he thought I would come around eventually on that topic, and since I wasn’t dating anyone else and called him several times a day, he didn’t take my words too seriously.

After months of trying to pretend we were just friends, I finally gave in a little, and stopped objecting when he called me his girlfriend. I even began referring to him as my boyfriend and eventually, when he said he loved me, I surprised myself by saying it back. I did love him, but more in the way that you love your favorite blanket. I felt safe with Ben. Safe in that I knew he wouldn’t break my heart and that he was always there for me. He knew exactly how to calm me down in any stressful situation and I appreciated how simple and uncomplicated our relationship was.

Towards the end of my month long flight attendant training class I started getting frustrated with Ben. Frustrated with the fact that I was now living on the opposite side of the country from him and frustrated with the realization that this wasn’t the guy for me and I knew it while he didn’t. Since I was hoping a slot would open up and allow me to transfer to the California base, I didn’t have a permanent home just yet, so I was temporarily living in what’s called a “crash pad.” I shared a room with 6 other flight attendants so this didn’t help my frustrated mood much. We started fighting more often and I told him I needed some space and time to figure things out. I planned a trip to Europe with a friend and told Ben I really needed to think about everything while away. He told me he supported whatever I felt I needed and we agreed to talk next when I got back in a few weeks.

Two days before my friend and I were supposed to leave she had a family emergency and we had to postpone our trip. I debated what to do next, whether or not I should tell Ben I hadn’t left the country after all. I ultimately decided against it. I figured we’d already said our goodbyes, I told him I needed time to think, so it was best to just take the time for myself. I decided to fly to California and visit family and friends. At the end of my California trip I ran into an old boyfriend and we spent a couple of days catching up. Nothing romantic, just catching up as friends, so I saw no harm in it. When I had to get back to New York, he offered me a ride to the airport. While I didn’t think it was wrong to let Ben assume I was out of the country, even though I didn’t go, I definitely didn’t want to run into him either. He didn’t usually work weekends so I figured the chances of running into him at the airport were slim to none. Of course I had forgotten that even the most impossible scenarios always seem to find me. What happened that day, I’m pretty certain, would only happen to me.......Stay tuned for The Flight Attendant finale