The Confused Guy

At yet another of the many restaurants I used to work in, I’d become close friends with 3 of my co-workers. There was Janet who was a fellow server and my partner in crime. Jake was the openly gay bartender/model who made me laugh like no other. He was so ridiculously good looking you wouldn’t have blamed him if he was a snob, yet he was surprisingly down to earth. Then there was Brian. Brian was the general manager that I began secretly dating. Everyone knew Brian and I were friends, but we figured it’d be best to keep the fact that we saw each other naked most nights after work a secret. Jake and I also became closer and closer the more time we spent together. He was so easy to talk to that sometimes hours would go by of just chatting about life. There weren’t many moments when we weren’t laughing together since we had the same sense of humor. We loved to drink wine and people watch and point out the hottest guys that would go by. Sometimes as a side job, Jake performed as a drag queen. On Halloween since we both had to work, he came dressed in one of his drag outfits. It was a patent leather thong leotard with fishnet stockings, black stilettos, a long brown wig. He wore make-up that made him look like the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Not only was he the most attractive man I’d ever met, but he also made a more attractive female then most of the women I knew. I told him it wasn’t fair, only one gender should have to feel envious of him. He laughed and told me I definitely didn’t need to feel any envy since I was the most beautiful girl he knew. I told him flattery would get him everywhere. He always seemed to be my biggest fan and was so complimentary.

A few weeks later the secret relationship Brian and I had was exposed. We’d been out together one night and a co-worker had seen us kissing. Of course that meant within 2 days the entire restaurant staff had heard about our relationship. Including Jake and Janet. Janet told me she had suspected something might have been going on and was happy for us since she adored us both. Jake didn’t react in quite the same manner. I assumed he was upset that I’d kept a secret from him so I apologized for not telling him sooner. He shrugged, mumbled something about being really busy behind the bar and avoided making eye contact with me. I felt badly that he seemed upset I’d been keeping a secret, but figured he’d get over it by the end of the evening. At closing time, Jake asked if he could speak to me privately in the back room. I followed him there and he closed the door. He looked at me with sadness in his eyes and began to tell me how when he’d heard about Brian and I, he had been a little heartbroken because he really liked me. I told him I liked him too, that I was sorry for not telling him but that this didn’t change our friendship. He said “Parker, you’re not getting it. It hurts because I like you so much. I wanted to be the one to date you.” Ummmm…..??? I started to smile thinking he must be playing a joke on me, that is until he leaned in and kissed me. I couldn’t speak because of the state of shock I was now in. I just stared at him for a moment until I found my voice then said, “But Jake…you’re gay. Remember?” He said that he goes both ways, he likes boys and girls. I reminded him that we’d spent many hours pointing out the hottest guys that would walk by us. He reminded me he’d also pointed out hot girls. I told him I’d figured he was looking at their clothing as inspiration for his drag show attire, not because he wanted to get in their pants. Then he got frustrated and said it was all a moot point anyway since I was now dating Brian. He said he hoped we were happy and then he left the back room leaving me to be stunned in silence.

After that Jake and I didn’t really hang out anymore. He was friendly enough at work, but the relationship was never the same. Sometimes I wonder what I would have done if Jake had told me how he’d felt and I hadn’t been with Brian, and what it would’ve been like to date a mostly gay man. On one hand it’d be nice to date someone in touch with his feminine side, on the other hand I don’t think I could be with a man who’d be borrowing my high heels, and who’s ass looked far better in a thong than mine ever could.