The Sketchy Guy

At one of the restaurants I worked at, I became pretty close with one of my fellow waitresses. Her name was Sally but she preferred to be called Sal. Sal was an aspiring stand up comic and we used to spend more of our work shifts laughing hysterically then tending to customers. At one point I joined her sketch comedy troupe. One of her roommates and best friends was also in the troupe. His name was Garlic. At first I thought this was just a silly stage name he used for the sake of comedy, but then I found out it was his actual given name. Apparently his parents were blues singers who were trying to be hip and different or something when they chose that name. My theory is that he was probably an accident and naming him Garlic was their way of getting back at him. Aside from the ridiculous name, Garlic had a lot going for him. He was a very attractive man with an amazing sense of humor, so of course I developed a huge crush on him. I found out through Sal he had a crush on me as well. It felt a little like junior high for the first couple of weeks since we mostly communicated our feelings about each other through Sal. He was a little shy with girls. He finally got the up the nerve to ask me out and we went out for dinner and drinks one night after a show. Then after a couple more dates I ended up spending the night and turns out Garlic wasn’t so shy in bedroom which was fantastic news. Pretty soon I was spending the night at he and Sal’s apartment more than I stayed at my own. Usually in the mornings Sal would make me coffee and we’d have our girl time. It was very convenient and fun. Until the night that doomed my relationship with Garlic.

We had a sketch during one of the shows that was about baby angels, and it required most of the cast to dress up in diapers. After that show, I went home with Garlic and Sal per the usual. When we were alone in his bedroom I heard a strange sound I couldn’t place at first. Kind of a rustling noise. I realized it was coming from Garlic’s pants. I asked if he was still wearing the diaper under his pants thinking that he must have been in a huge hurry to not have taken off the costume. He said that he did still have it on and had a strange look on his face. I got the feeling there was something he wasn’t sharing so with enough pushing he finally agreed to tell me what it was. He apparently had a sexual fetish that involved being diapered. Wow. I had always told him that if he had anything he wanted to try sexually not to be afraid to tell me , that I was really open and game for pretty much anything. Oh how I was regretting those words. I probably should have left then, but instead I tried to pretend like that wasn’t an insanely strange request. I actually began to go through with this diapering act. Baby powder and all, I started diapering Garlic. He seemed to be really enjoying it and getting turned on and then I all of a sudden didn’t feel so well. Or at least that’s what I said to stop the diapering. I went and sat in the restroom for long enough to make it seem like I might be sick. I came out and he looked concerned which made me feel slightly guilty for faking an illness, until I remembered the way his face looked while being diapered. I told him I just wanted to get home and rest in my own bed.

After that night I started to blow him off until I think he got the hint that I was no longer interested. I also eventually quit the comedy troupe which had become fairly awkward. Sal was bummed that it hadn’t worked out between Garlic and I. I never told her the truth of what had happened. I just told her we were really different people. I think the moral is that honesty is the best policy, unless your truth includes things like you get sexually excited while someone is shaking baby powder on your privates and sticking a pamper on your ass. In that case it might be in your best interest to lie.