There was a local bar where my friends and I had become regulars. Part of the reason we loved it was because of Bill the bartender. Bill had a huge crush on me which he was not shy about expressing. We never paid for a single drink while he was working which was the main reason we went there so often. He flirted with me relentlessly and would always ask me to go on a date with him. I always playfully refused. I told him I didn’t date bartenders, which was partially true, but there were a couple of other reasons I didn’t want to go out with him. Reason 1: If it didn’t work out with Bill, I didn’t want to ruin our favorite hang out spot. Reason 2: Bill was kind of old. Not grandfather old, but old enough that people might possibly mistake him for my father. I was trying to date men closer to my own age these days, and while Bill wasn’t terrible looking, I wasn’t all that attracted to him. He did have a great sense of humor and always knew how to make me laugh, which I found to be his most attractive quality. He wouldn't give up on trying to coax me into a date. He would do things like tell the other bar patrons that I was his future wife. He would write me little notes on bar napkins which said things like, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I hope our children look just like you.
Eventually one day he wore me down and I agreed to go on a date with him. We decided to go bowling. Here’s the thing about bowling. I’m very competitive and don’t like to lose, which is a problem when I bowl since I am by far the worst bowler of all time. Usually the only way I enjoy it is after I drink several beers. When Bill and I went to order drinks at the bowling alley bar, I ordered the largest beer they had which came in a very tall plastic cup shaped like a bowling pin. Bill ordered a Sprite. When I looked at him funny, he told me he doesn’t drink, that he’s in AA. Really? A bartender….that doesn’t drink. This should be fun. I didn’t really know what to say to that so I just quietly sipped beer from by bowling pin cup. We started to play and, once we got into it, I had a really fun time. He made me laugh a lot which eased some of my tension. At the end of the night, he walked me to my door and kissed me goodnight. I can’t say I saw fireworks, but it wasn’t terrible.
We went out again shortly after that, this time to dinner and a movie. While I liked Bill, I just wasn’t that attracted to him, so I started to blow him off a bit after that date. I just became extremely busy. Busy enough that I didn’t have time for dates, but not too busy that my friends and I couldn’t stop by his bar for free drinks here and there.
I figured Bill understood that he and I dating just wasn’t in the cards, and thought it was great that I could still come into his bar for flirting and free drinks. It seemed like the perfect situation to me. That is until Bill became a little creepy.
It started when I wasn’t coming into the bar as often, and didn’t call him back right away after he’d left me a couple of messages. The messages went something like this:
Message 1: “Hey Parker, it’s Bill. I know you’re super busy but if you get a chance to call me back, the kids would like to hear from you.” (He liked to joke about the non-existent family we had as well as me being his future wife. I thought this was cute and funny.)
Message 2: “Parker, it’s Bill. Call me back when you get a chance. I’m thinking we need a bowling rematch. I can’t have it getting out around town that I was beaten by a girl drinking beer out of a bowling pin, it would ruin my reputation. Call me.” (Ha ha, funny Bill, I thought. I should call him back soon.)
Message 3: “You know, Parker…we’re all busy, and I know you have a very busy life, but maybe there is more than meets the eye to the fact that you haven’t called me back. I don’t know, call me when you get a chance. “ (Hmm..that message was a bit odd.)
Message 4: "Hello Parker. (There was a sigh, followed by a long pause.) You know, let’s just be honest with each other here. The New Year is coming up, let’s start it off the right way and just get everything out in the open. I can't pretend I know why it is you won’t call me back. Maybe you are just so unbelievably busy, maybe you know that secretly I do want more than a friendship with you, maybe it creeps you out, maybe you think I’m way too old, I don’t know. (Um, how about all of those things plus now you’ve entered psycho stalker territory.) I just want to clear the air here and find out the reasons behind all of this. Call me back. (Hmm, real tempting to call you back now.)
Message 5: “I mean, I don’t get why we can’t just clear things up. If you get a minute, give me a ring. This is Bill again.” (Really, I hadn’t guessed.)
Message 6: “Heeey Parker….so I still haven’t heard from you. I’m sure you have your reasons. I’m sure that someday you’ll come back into my bar for a drink and we’ll chat, but it’s pretty frustrating not being able to talk. Well you take care of yourself over there. I can’t say I understand. I mean, I don’t know why you can’t just be honest. I guess I’ll see ya. (Wow)
At first I wasn’t going to respond, but the more I thought about the little comments he made in his messages, the more angry it made me. I mean, we only went out twice, and I thought it was pretty clear to anyone paying attention that I just wanted to be friendly acquaintances. The message I ended up leaving for Bill went like this:
Message to Bill: "Heeeey Bill. It’s Parker. So, yeah…I got your messages. About that “being honest” comment. I don’t really know what the f*#@ you were talking about, but here is some honesty for you. I don’t appreciate your insinuation that I have lied about anything. By not saying certain things I was probably trying to spare your feelings. But since you’ve pushed me to this point, here you go. The reason I didn’t call you back at first was because I was actually busy, and in the free time I did have, my priority was to first call back people who were more important to me than you. If you’d like to “get it all out in the open" then I mostly come into the bar for the free drinks. Also, yes it does creep me out that you secretly want to be more than friends, and yes, I do think you are old. If this doesn’t “clear things up” for you, let me know. Take care.”
I never heard back from Bill after that message and, I have to admit, I’m a bit sad that I can never show my face in his bar again. It just goes to show, there is something to that old saying "Don’t sh*t where you eat." In this case, don’t go against your instincts and agree to a date with your favorite bartender. I have yet to find anyone who makes a better martini.
No comments:
Post a Comment